Communication: A Short Story
To sign up, please use this sheet.
Apparently, not everybody saw my previous message so let me repeat: to sign up, please use this sheet. Thank you!
Cross-posting for visibility @here
And @here @all
“ChatGPT, write an engaging slack post with the message ‘to sign up, use this sheet’ that people will notice and read.”
🎉 Hey Team! 🎉
Exciting news! We have a new initiative/project/event (briefly describe it if needed) and we want YOU to be part of it! 🚀
🔗 To sign up, use this sheet: [Sign-Up Sheet Link] 🔗
Your participation will make a huge difference. Don't miss out! Let's make this amazing together!
#TeamSpirit #SignUpNow #LetsDoThis
“And before we end this all hands, we have one more thing. Zef, take it away!”
“Thank you! Let me share my screen real quick. What you see here is a sheet, and you can use it to sign up. I will post a link in the chat, can somebody pin it please?”
“Thank you Zef. Any questions from the audience?”
🤚
“Sorry if this was already covered, I’ve been searching Confluence and Google Drive, and also asked my team, but nobody seemed to have the answer: how do I sign up?”
“Hey, good morning. Before we get to our regular 1:1 topics, let me cover one thing quickly, and please spread it to your team as well. To sign up, please use this sheet.”
🔥☁️ P 🔥☁️ L 🔥☁️ E 🔥☁️ A 🔥☁️ S 🔥☁️ E
🔥☁️ S 🔥☁️ I 🔥☁️ G 🔥☁️ N
🔥☁️ U 🔥☁️ P
🔥☁️ W 🔥☁️ I 🔥☁️ T 🔥☁️ H
🔥☁️ T 🔥☁️ H 🔥☁️ I 🔥☁️ S
🔥☁️ P 🔥☁️ I 🔥☁️ E 🔥☁️ C 🔥☁️ E
🔥☁️ O 🔥☁️ F
🔥☁️ S 🔥☁️ S 🔥☁️ E 🔥☁️ E 🔥☁️ T
Sign Up by Suno
(Verse)
Sign up now don't be late
Grab your pen don't hesitate
Join the fun join the crew
Lots to see lots to do
(Verse)
Write your name make your mark
Shine your light spark the dark
Meet new friends take a chance
This is your time let's dance
(Chorus)
Sheet is waiting sign on up
Fill it out don't stop don't stop
Sheet is waiting sign on up
Join the fun won't let you drop
(Verse)
Here we go step in line
Check the box everything's fine
Big old world waiting there
Open up take the dare
(Chorus)
Sheet is waiting sign on up
Fill it out don't stop don't stop
Sheet is waiting sign on up
Join the fun won't let you drop
(Bridge)
Paper dreams come to life
Jump on board cut the strife
New adventures all around
Feet off the ground
Invitation: (IMPORTANT) (REMINDER ONLY) Please use this sheet to sign up
Time: 9:00-9:05 CET
Description: Do not join, just a reminder to sign up using this sheet.
“Hey, good morning! Not a lot of people on this call huh? Too early I guess.”
We are happy to announce our company’s first GPT, the sign-up assistant!
You: Hello 👋
Assistant: Hello, please use this sheet to sign up!
You: Yeah maybe later, let’s talk about feelings.
Assistant: I primarily have feelings about sheet-based sign ups.
You: What is the weather in Berlin right now?
Assistant: I may tell you once I have confirmed that you have signed up with this sheet.
As the people team, we’re very excited to introduce a new referral bonus scheme! 🥳
For every colleague you refer to this sheet, and who successfully signs up, you will receive €100 pre-tax! In addition, for all the people those people refer in turn, you get €10!
Legal disclaimer: This is not a pyramid scheme.
Thank you for taking the time to write peer feedback for Jack. Peer feedback is an important part of our company culture. As announced, we’ve recently expanded our company values, and this is now also reflected in our feedback form.
Enjoy!
Question 1: How would you rate (1-10) this employee on knowledge of knowing to sign up using this sheet?
“Who’s that, daddy?”
“Not sure hon, let me just open the door.”
“This sheet loves you, and wants you to sign up using it.”
“No thank you, I am not interested in sheets. Please stop blocking the door.”
“May I ask, do you mean that you are not interested in sheets in general, or is it this sign-up sheet that does not interest you?”
So, we have a very special treat for you today. We decided to reallocate our swag budget to make this happen. I think you’ll agree it’s totally worth it.
Please welcome Riverdance, who we bribed into reuniting, performing their famous breakthrough hit entitled Cláraigh leis an mbileog seo le do thoil!
👏
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FoHlrQScWl0
From: CEO
To: all@company.broadcast
Subject: Important announcement
Dear all,
It has been escalated to me that a lot of you struggle to figure out how to sign up. This knowledge gap has resulted in a severe level of chaos. It appears that communication on this topic has indeed been spotty. I’ve put the people responsible for this debacle on a PIP.
To rectify the situation, let me just clarify this once and for all: please, use this sheet to sign up.
Let me know if there are any further questions.
Love,
The CEO
Invitation: (MANDATORY) Important company update
Time: 16:00-16:30 CET
Invitees: List hidden at the request of the event creator
Description: Important company announcement. Attendance mandatory. Join even if on PTO. Sorry for the late notice.
CorpOverflow
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Question (232 points) by anonymous: How do I sign up?
Answer (666 points) by Zef (account deactivated): A sheet can be used for signing up. A sheet for all your signing up needs. To sign up, use this sheet. No sheet no sign up. Without a sheet there shallt be no sign up. To sign up, use this sheet. Various approaches could potentially be used to sign up, but using the sheet is the one with the highest success probability.
Even enhanced cognitive efforts as used by philosophers will not work around the fact that signing up requires this sheet. You will never make me change my stance. Signing up is a task of sufficient complexity that it cannot be achieved through any other means than using sheet-y material. Even Albert Einstein could not sign up lacking some resemblance of a sheet. Every time you attempt to sign up through any other means, the unholy entity weeps the blood of virgins, and Russian hackers hack your chat bot. Attempting to sign up without the sheer utilization of the sheet summons tainted souls into the realm of the living. Signing up and pieces of sheet go together like love, marriage, and ritual river dancing. The center cannot hold it is too late.
The force of lack of sheets and signing up together in the same conceptual space will destroy your mind like so much watery putty. If you try to sign up without sheets, you are giving in to Them and their blasphemous ways which DOom us all to inhuman toil for the One whose Name cannot be expressed in the Basic Multilingual Plane, he comes. Non-compliant signing up will liquify the nerves of the sentient whilst you observe, your psyche withering in the onslaught of horror.
Non sheetsy sign-up attempts are the disease that is killing it is too late it is too late we cannot be saved the transgressions ensures thought will consume all living tissue (except for the sign-up form which it cannot, as previously prophesied) dear Boodoo help us how can anyone survive this scourge using mats rather than sheets to sign up has doomed humanity to an eternity of dread torture and security holes. Using flows as a tool to process sign-up establishes a breach between this world and the dread realm of corrupt entities.
A mere glimpse of the world of thought-based sign-ups will instantly transport your consciousness into a world of ceaseless screaming, he comes, the slithy cognitive-infection will devour your sign-up form, application, and existence for all time like ruby only worse he comes he comes do not fight he comes, his unholy radiance destroying all enlightenment, form fields leaking from your eyes like liquid pain, the song of thought-based sign-up will extinguish the voices of mortal man from the sphere I can see it can you see it it is beautiful the final snuffing of the lies of Man ALL IS LOST ALL IS LOST the pony he comes he comes he comes the Gandalf final pass is here oh OCTOPODES all MY FACE MY FACE oh god no NO NOOO STOP the angles are not real ZALGO IS TONY THE PONY HE COMES HE COMES HE COMES!
Have you tried using this sheet?
Yo Zef 👋 I hope this message finds you well. I’ve been trying find out how to sign up. Luckily, some digging ultimately resulted in finding this sheet. Maybe this should have been communicated a little more clearly.
Are you there?
Anyway.
Is sign-up mandatory?
